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Notes: Diet start date 1/11. Total Weight Loss to reach goal: 74.8 lbs Total
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 Today
was the first the Saturday that I didn’t visit Dad since he’s been sick
and that was before Christmas. I had an appointment to get my haircut
and highlighted and for Ryan to get his cut. I thought about canceling
it. I really did. But a selfish little voice inside my head
reminded me that I needed a haircut and I deserved to take a break from
the duties of Dad. And I feel guilty about it. I don’t plan
on going out there tomorrow (Sunday) either. I have my chores to
do around the house.
I do have Monday and Tuesday off of work to take care of his business. Monday I have an appointment with a funeral director to pre-pay arrangements for Dad. I have to do it before all of his money is used up with medical expenses. Once his money is gone, he can apply for Medicaid. Let this be a lesson to all of us. Do not put all of your money in financial institutions. Keep some under the mattress where there is no paper trail to be followed. Because eventually, the government or medical facility will get all of it if we become incapable of caring for ourselves. Tuesday I’m supposed to meet with a representative to fill out papers and get ready for Dad to get on Medicaid. The problem is that he has too much money. For the first time in his life, he has saved a few thousand dollars and now it’s too much money. She told me to use it up and buy things for him, but he doesn’t need or want anything and I need to produce receipts of anything I buy. I can’t simply take the money out of the account even thought it’s joint and my name is on it. I asked my attorney about it. The only deposits to it are his Social Security. It’s obvious that I’m not making deposits. I am going to try to squirrel away small amounts through the ATM. He has 5 grandchildren and 7 or 8 great-grandchildren (I lost track of how many kids my nephew Kirk has produced) and they have not received birthday or Christmas gifts in a very long time, if ever, from him. I don’t want the money for myself but the kids should see some benefit of it even if it’s just some new clothes for school. I going to meet with her, but I’m not going to sign him up yet. I figure he has money and we can just let it run down with medical expense for now while I try to find out about Medigap insurance for him. I going to pay at least one more month’s rent on his apartment. He has the money and it would make me crazy to have to clear that place out before the 1st of February. Dennis and I figure if we do a little each weekend and toss stuff as we go along, it won’t be such a daunting task. Brother said he would help with that. We have a little trailer that we could haul stuff with if needed. Hell, Dad’s got the money, we could rent a truck. I figure most of the stuff will go to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. I will take his bookcase and maybe the dresser in the bedroom. Dad’s doctor called me on Friday at work to discuss his condition. He told me point blank that there is no way that Dad could ever live alone again. He is too weak and too sick to take care of himself. I wish the doctor would tell him that so I don’t have to be the bad guy. He is currently in deep depression also. I don’t know if he’s back on solid food or not. He was having abdominal pain. Who knows, he could be full of cancer as my mother was. Or it could be a liver thing after years of drinking. He’s 86 years old and everything could be simply shutting down as his parts are worn out. I think this is the worst part of life; waiting for death. We all will experience it at some point yet when the time comes, the human spirit clings to even the most painful and pitiful existence. I read something written by a person that had a near death experience. He said that he no longer fears dying because to die, we simply go unconscious and being unconscious is not an unpleasant state. It sounds so easy when it’s put that way. Today I am thankful for: 1: Lobster bisque
from D'Angelos.
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