Back in the '60s and early '70's two popular talk shows were The Mike Douglas Show and Merv Griffin.  My mother loved both of the shows and she watched them religiously.  I don't remember which show it was, but one of them was on in the afternoon when I got home from school.  One day in particular, one of the shows had Totie Fields on as guest.

    Totie Fields was a short, stout, Jewish comedienne with a high, dark beehive hairdo.  She was funny and a bit raunchy by the standards of that day.  In today's world, her humor would be considered tame.   She was popular with the Rat Pack bunch and the Vegas crowd, a regular nightclub performer.

    On the show segment that I remember, she had recently been diagnosed with cancer.  It had spread to the point that her leg had been amputated.   As she sat in the chair, long evening gown covering her prosthesis, and began to talk about her illness and the procedures that had been done.  She also described her conversations with God:

      "Why is this happening?  What have I ever done to deserve this?  I've tried to live a good life, to be a good person.  I don't deserve this God!  Why me?"

   Then she said it hit her, almost like a thunderbolt:

    "Well, why NOT me?  Am I any better in your eyes than another person?  Just because I have money and I'm a star, doesn't mean I'm above this.  I'm human, I'm not perfect.  This is a terrible disease and no one deserves it, no matter who they may be.  Yes, why not me?"

    I don't remember if I saw her on another show after that, as she died a few months later from the cancer.  I'll always remember this story about her, and I try to think of it and her bravery whenever I start to feel sorry for myself.  Tonight is one of those times.

    The doctor called tonight.  I have the early stages of breast cancer.

    He assured me that it is at the extreme beginning of cancer--the cells are just now turning and as it is so early, the cancer would not have spread.  Surgery to remove the cells and surrounding tissue will be scheduled soon and I'll probably need radiation but thankfully no chemo.

    I can't believe this is happening to me.  I'm very lucky that they found it in the mammogram and that it is treatable.  But I can't help thinking, "Why me Lord?  Why another health problem when I've been plagued with so many of them this year?"

And then I think "Yeah Totie I know, why not me."